Is it, really? I sit here in mere frustration. I need your help and feedback on this topic. I went to the library to check out some books to give myself something productive to do during nap times. (Sidenote: I wanted to read the entire Twilight series, but they were all checked out... bummer).
Anyways, I found a book called BabyWise and was immediately interested in what it proclaimed- Getting your baby to sleep through the night. Sounds good, right? I decided to give it a shot. I skimmed the book in an afternoon and found this basic theory. Up to 8 weeks old, the baby should be feed every 2 1/2- 3 hours. After feeding, there should be playtime and then the baby should sleep for about an hour and fifteen minutes.
Okay, I can see the importance of this. Reading on...
This theory believes that the parents should let their baby "cry it out" when being put down to sleep. It is believed that they have all their needs met by this point and sometimes just need to cry. Okay, I agree with that too. Clean diaper, fed, burped-- check, check, check.
In my first day to attempt this theory, I put Caden down to sleep and he cried. Fifteen minutes go by, still crying. Another fifteen minutes... still crying. I couldn't let him cry anymore... I felt like I was being a neglectful parent. Really, I can't let the guy cry for that long.
So I have modified the way I do things. I am okay with him crying for 15 minutes, but any longer, I have to comfort him. Am I wrong? Also, I have sprinkled in a little more flexibility as this is such a rigid theory. My main goal is to meet all of Caden's needs including bonding with him, but also have him be somewhat independent (I know, a 3 week old, independent??? I'm surely crazy). I want him to be easy going and not spoiled so this is how I foresee making that a reality. Some people believe 3 weeks is too early to start doing this, others believe schedules should begin from day one.
Here I am trying to figure out what type of parenting will work best for all of us. That includes Caden and me and dad. I'm such a better parent when I have good sleep.
Discuss. And have a good weekend.
Anyways, I found a book called BabyWise and was immediately interested in what it proclaimed- Getting your baby to sleep through the night. Sounds good, right? I decided to give it a shot. I skimmed the book in an afternoon and found this basic theory. Up to 8 weeks old, the baby should be feed every 2 1/2- 3 hours. After feeding, there should be playtime and then the baby should sleep for about an hour and fifteen minutes.
Okay, I can see the importance of this. Reading on...
This theory believes that the parents should let their baby "cry it out" when being put down to sleep. It is believed that they have all their needs met by this point and sometimes just need to cry. Okay, I agree with that too. Clean diaper, fed, burped-- check, check, check.
In my first day to attempt this theory, I put Caden down to sleep and he cried. Fifteen minutes go by, still crying. Another fifteen minutes... still crying. I couldn't let him cry anymore... I felt like I was being a neglectful parent. Really, I can't let the guy cry for that long.
So I have modified the way I do things. I am okay with him crying for 15 minutes, but any longer, I have to comfort him. Am I wrong? Also, I have sprinkled in a little more flexibility as this is such a rigid theory. My main goal is to meet all of Caden's needs including bonding with him, but also have him be somewhat independent (I know, a 3 week old, independent??? I'm surely crazy). I want him to be easy going and not spoiled so this is how I foresee making that a reality. Some people believe 3 weeks is too early to start doing this, others believe schedules should begin from day one.
Here I am trying to figure out what type of parenting will work best for all of us. That includes Caden and me and dad. I'm such a better parent when I have good sleep.
Discuss. And have a good weekend.
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15 comments:
Every baby is different and while this may work like a dream for some, others need something a little different. Caden will let you know. Good luck and just enjoy it. Don't get too stressed out, yet...you have the rest of his life for that!
I agree with Christy, it's different for everyone. My sister could do the cry it out thing, I totally couldn't. You could also talk to your pediatrician. Ours talked with us and said that really before 2-3 months old, they were not old enough to let them cry it out on their own. I think someone making a blanket statement for every baby that they should do this then this then this then sleep for an exact amount of time is rough. Every baby is different.
I think it's so hard those first few months, and you really don't feel like yourself because you really have to put yourself on his schedule for a little while. . .which really isn't a "schedule". Just hang in there, it sounds like you're doing everything you need too, and you're a great momma!
I used babywise (because I had no idea what I was doing) and it was awesome!!!!! It really fit her personality because she wasn't much of a crier unless I was off "her" schedule. I think it says that in the book that the schedule becomes theirs and then they get mad when you're not following it. I was all about schedules because I only had a 6 week maternity leave and she needed to sleep through the night. I needed my sleep and so did Ryan. My sister used it with her twins otherwise she would of gone insane and it worked for her too. You can just tweak it for you baby because you know him best.
+1
As time goes on, you'll come to know some of the differences in his cries, i.g., hungry, mad, sad, ouch, tired... and that can help in know how strict or lax to be. That's not easy but it will come. Most importantly, listen to your intuition, it will more than likely be right.
Another thing, while Caden may be to young to gain from this, you could start 'letting him cry it out' for 5 minutes initially, comfort him if needed, then 10, comfort him if needed, then 15? I think that it has only worked a handful of times for us, but just an idea. It also helps when you can talk to them and know they understand you (even if they can't talk to you yet).
+1 (I meant +1 that every baby is different, as is every day! I can't vouch for babywise as I've never used it :)
The two month mark really is about the time you can set a more strict routine. Travis would ask with every kid, "when do they start going to bed at 8 with the other kids?" It can be a long 2 months. I would start the routine I wanted with them at about 1 month, wake-up times, feeding schedule (every 3 hours, put off with a pacifier if possible), nap-times (usually after feeding times) then in bed at 8. We are much more strict about the bedtime routine than daily routine. We wanted our "quiet time" at 8 so we could decompress before bed. Although the daily routine became very important the more we had. I've always heard, pick your routine and make the child fit into it. It does work, it just takes time.
As for crying it out-I could do it and did do it, but I don't remember having to do it much. We really just started pushing that when they were beginning to sleep through the night and then decided they didn't want to anymore. Good luck-give it time, you'll get there.
Oh, and I think I started around 3 or 4 weeks with Mckenzie. I did feel like three and under was a little to early. I did do some of the stuff, like if she cried I wouldn't let her go that long.....maybe 5 min. Then, when she got a bit older I was more strict with it. I think she was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, and that's when I would do most of the stuff with her. Right when I had to go back to work. I don't know if it was babywise or a gift from Heaven, or both:) It all worked out though. I also think that is why she has always been such a good napper and going to bed at night. I've never really and a problem with that. She really likes her sleep. If I have another kid I'm going to use it again. I liked it.
Getting babies on a routine is so tough!! I think the key to getting on a routine is being consistent with what every schedule you set up. It's lame at first b/c you feel like you are totally tied down to the routine, but once it gets going, it's nice to know when you will have break times, when you can run errands, etc.
I really like the book "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" b/c she is big on doing a routine (from day one) but she isn't into crying it out. There are some things I didn't agree with, but in general her base philosophy was a life saver for me!
So, I am a huge Babywise fan myself.. I think I already told you that. With Kira, it was easy because she didn't seem to cry as much. Noah was a huge challenge because he just wouldn't stop screaming... it was always for longer periods of time than the book stated it would be, so I was very frustrated. Some things I learned-- a schedule is important, and I agree with the eat, awake, sleep every 2 or 3 hours. As far as letting them cry it out (meaning, letting them go as long as it took), it wasn't until maybe 6 or 8 weeks that I started it during the day, and 12 weeks during the night. There's no rush right now, though. Just work on establishing a schedule and worry about the crying it out stuff when he's a bit older. Good luck!
I am no authority on this subject seeing that I have not had any kids yet, but I studied child development in college. I cannot tell you how many times I heard Babywise recommended by my professors. A lot of them had children that they had used or were using it with, and they had a wonderful time with it. Perhaps it's because it does set up a routine, and although every day is going to be different, at least you have a ground expectation of how you want things to flow. Of course, every schedule/program has to be adapted to the needs of the user (you're not crazy for not wanting to let him scream for 1/2 hour). Consistency seems to be the key with any young child. Best of luck with your new routine!
I say, go with your gut. I tried to read books and did the same as you, just pieced together what I thought would work, or just read until I found something that would confirm what I originally thought. I say do your best for a routine, but at the same time, don't be so set that you are planning your life around that routine. I agree with everybody on the night time routine though, definitely get into a good night time routine. We didn't do cry it out until around 6 months, and I hated every minute of it, but I'm glad we did it. Good luck, you'll do just great!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you everyone!
I didn't read any books, my mom talked me through things. But one of my pediatritians told me they have growth spurts at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, and 6 months. I always looked for changes in their schecdules around those times and adjusted. They would eat more and sleep more. I did the crying out thing but it was closer to 6 weeks. Your doing great Deb! My older sister had her first a couple of weeks ago and I can't wait to see her the end of this month.
I like using a modified babywise technique. It has worked for both my girls they have slept through the night by 5 or 6 weeks. What I do is focus on a night time routine- like I want her in bed at 10, so I feed her at 7 and then 9:30. Then I lay her in bed at 10, I left her fuss for 10 min, go in give her a binky and then try again.I try not to pick her up. I also have her swaddled tightly with her arms out.
The important thing is, don't give up. Just use your "schedule" as something to work towards, not set in stone. And some days it will work and other days it won't.
Something else, my great-grandmother passed this advise onto my Mom when she had twins, who passed it onto me- interact with them as little as possible during the night- don't change their diaper unless absolutley necessary and don't turn on lights, don't talk to him- make it not fun.
Hope all of our advice helps! It gets better, hang in there.
I also read Babywise (although my pediatrician specifically warned against it because she said it's too strict and some babies have failed to thrive when their parents have used the method). I thought it was a bit extreme myself and couldn't do the crying out thing, although it had some good points. Mainly I think it's a bit unrealistic unless you're willing to be very strict (which I wasn't), so it just made me feel like I was failing, when actually I was just parenting a normal newborn who was not on a schedule :)
The book I really like (which recommends not trying to adjust the baby's schedule until 6 weeks and following baby's cues) is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, which is actually working really well for us right now. I feel like it's a great approach because it's more gentle than Babywise, and it doesn't make you feel guilty, it just presents different techniques to achieve the same goal: sleep. Anyway, those are my two cents, good luck!
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